Learning to Listen
I speaking with one of my clients today she said something that I believe is really important and often overlooked. We were talking about a post I had recently written for Upward Spiral Birth about reinstating mom’s as experts in their own bodies. My client was reflecting on these ideas and saying how with the way the medical system is set up, doctors often don’t have the time to listen to our stories or accounts of our bodies. And it is true. My client said that we can talk for 15 or 20 minutes, telling our story about a previous birth or other experiences we’ve had with our bodies, and in that sharing there will be a handful of details that are pertinent to our optimal care. The problem is, doctors are not trained to gather information through subjective data (at least not with the emphasis that objective, quantitative data receives) and patients don’t know how to discern what information is important because it is so rare that someone is listening to us. We are just happy to have an ear and can talk for much longer than we intended just because someone is listening.
I realized, this client is right! Many times I have had someone in my room, especially a first appointment, and find myself listening to them for sometimes 10 minutes straight. I recognized a while ago that taking this time to openly listen to them was as important as the hands-on therapy. It helps us to build trust. Sometimes a new client shares details about a trauma and my ability to actively listen and affirm their feelings creates for them a feeling that they can talk to me about the things that perhaps the other people in their lives can not handle. It also helps me to learn more information about where they came from and where they are at.
Though I know all of this, it was great to hear my client make this observation. I am sure glad I listen.